As someone who decided to file for divorce from a cheating spouse, I often wonder why people choose to stay — why I even chose to stay and attempt reconciliation.
As it turns out, many Reddit folks have been asked this question as well, and they recently revealed some of the most common reasons for choosing to stick it out instead of filing divorce papers.
Among the reasons, love and naiveté were at the top of the list, but what really caught our attention was this:
Because they didn’t want to feel like a quitter.
“Going through this right now, actually,” responded one Redditor. “It came out of nowhere two years into our relationship. We’re doing therapy to try to figure things out. I still love her — and she claims to still love me — but I’m not sure if I’ll ever be capable of respecting or trusting her again. I guess the main reason I’m trying to work through this with her is because every regret I have in life has stemmed from giving up when things became too difficult. I don’t want that to happen with the woman I planned to spend the rest of my life with. The odds are slim to none, but dammit, we have to try.”
When you quit anything in life, you’re conditioned to feel a few things, all of them negative.
1. You feel guilt. Even when you’re not to blame for the affair, you did take those vows, and society turns down its nose at quitters in many aspects of life, so why not relationships?
2. You feel committed to commitment. The marriage customs in this country — standing up in front of your loved ones and taking a vow before whatever God you believe in — often build a sacred aura over commitment. Even though a cheating partner violated the trust, you just can’t seem to.
3. You feel as if you’re hurting religious beliefs. Most religions, particularly those that identify as Christian, say that God “despises” divorce and that even in tough situations not of your own doing, you’re to stick it out. If there are any religious pressures in life from family and friends, they’ll likely manifest at this stage of the game.
Have you been cheated on? Are you willing to work it out or do you plan on filing divorce forms? Share your experiences in our comments section.