If you’ve gone through a painful divorce — and most divorces are painful — then you may not be at a point where you’re fully recovered. That’s okay. It can take years, and then just when you think you’re completely over something, the issue rears its ugly head again in a new relationship.
Unfortunately, we’re encouraged by society, pride, and other factors to “just get over it” and “move on with life” as quickly as possible. Things like this cannot be rushed, but the road to recovery does have to begin.
The question: where?
In a recent article for Country Living, Sheri Silver shares how she found hers — through baking. Sheri was the victim of an affair. To escape from the heartache, she threw herself into a marathon holiday baking session — a passion she shared with her grandmother. The rest, in her words:
“As I was piping out the dough — and putting a single chocolate chip in the center of each cookie — it occurred to me that I now had more in common with my grandma than our love of baking.
“She, too, was the victim of an adulterous husband who left her after more than a decade of marriage. She didn’t fare well at all, crumbling under the stress, and shame of divorce that prevailed back then. It was years before she was whole again, and though I only knew her as my warm, talented, and loving grandma, I had heard the stories of her past and knew that that wholeness was hard-won.
“As I pulled tray after tray out of the oven—and went on to bake all of the treats that I always made, packaging them in my signature brown paper bags—I felt myself taking the first in what would be many tiny-yet-big steps toward becoming whole again myself.
“And though I went on to go back to school, start a business, meet and marry a wonderful man and have another child with him—it was that first step of baking delicious goodies for loved ones that sent the powerful message that I was going to be okay. That my husband took much from me but could never take away my strength, talents, or passions. That I had much to offer and was surrounded by so many people who recognized this and loved me for it.”
Good for Sheri! And the great thing is that her story isn’t exclusive to her. We all have one of those aha moments in a divorce where we realize that we’re going to be okay. That doesn’t mean we are okay, just that we’re heading in the right direction. The moments usually center on a favorite memory or activity that puts us back in touch with a part of ourselves. That’s where the road to recovery begins. Where is yours located?