For anyone who has ever decided to file for divorce for reasons of infidelity, the idea of being able to empathize with what drove your spouse to commit an act of betrayal may be almost blasphemous. However, it can be a healthy tool in moving on and finding a relationship that is much better than the one you had before. That doesn’t make what your spouse did right, and it doesn’t make you wrong for filing the divorce papers against them. It’s just a way of avoiding past failures on the road ahead. Here’s what empathy can teach you about your husband or wife’s affair.
1. It can teach you that relationships change.
Every relationship starts out white hot and then transforms into something else, usually around the three-year mark. The question is will you let yourself go into that next stage of the relationship or will you constantly be seeking new relationship excitement? Empathy for your spouse’s decision can teach you that you need to look for more in a relationship than simple romance. You need to find someone you can connect with both in AND out of the bedroom. One is no more important than the other in a successful marriage.
2. It can teach you the kind of person you want to be.
Affairs are never acceptable within the confines of a marriage, but it’s only natural to feel somewhat responsible when it happens to you. You think, “What did I do wrong?” or “What’s wrong with me that he/she found this acceptable?” While your spouse’s reasons are never valid for going through with the affair, they can shake you out of complacency and get you to start thinking about what’s missing in your life.
3. It can teach you the kind of person you NEED.
Many people allow simple attraction to guide them in their long-term relationship decision making. This is a mistake. It’s what gets us into relationships with people capable of cheating on us in the first place. (Again, still their fault.) When you’ve been scarred by an affair, the last thing you want after the divorce forms are final is to end up with someone else just like your ex. That greater attention to detail should find you the person you need — someone you are attracted to, but more importantly someone you can depend on, that you can love beyond the physical and have that love reciprocated.
What did you learn from your divorce? Share your thoughts in our comments section.