For those of you who’ve had to file for divorce for one reason or another, you might be wondering, “What does it take to succeed at marriage?” It can be quite difficult keeping things fresh, healthy, and fun, but with work and the right attitude, it is possible. Here are some things we’ve noticed in our discussions with successful married people and in our own lives. Feel free to add your own in the comments section.
1. Date Nights.
No matter how old you are, how long you’ve been together, or how many children that you have, always make time for each other. Regular date nights are great for reminding yourselves what you enjoy about each other as individuals and the marriage as a whole. People who regularly put time for each other as a priority stand a better chance of avoiding the divorce papers altogether.
2. Respect And Kindness.
In many marriages, one spouse is the breadwinner while the other is not. That shouldn’t give the breadwinner reason to lord it over their spouse, nor should it place a chip on the shoulder of the one who isn’t making as much money. Both spouses need to learn right away that there is more than just money when it comes to making the marriage work. Like, for instance, the non-breadwinner assumes more duties in childcare or keeps the house clean and tidy and the family organized and functional. All of these things are important and should be shown equal amounts of respect when interacting with one another. And if you ever feel like you’re getting under each others’ skin, just remember that kindness is always better than an argument. Try to put away negative thoughts until you’re both in a position to discuss it rationally.
3. Transparency And Trust.
If a spouse is always feeling like you’re up to something, then consider the things you’re doing to bring about obsessive behavior. If you’re not trusting of your spouse, then identify why you’re not trusting. Have they ever given you reason not to be? If people share a “no secrets” bond, they’re much more likely to trust one another and have a positive marriage.
As for those of you who’ve filed divorce forms, what do you think could have saved your marriage, and what will you be looking for the next time around?