In a recent article on the Timoney Knox, LLP, Attorneys-at-Law blog, the concept of a successful divorce was discussed in some detail. If you’ve ever decided to file for divorce, “success” may not seem like it factors in, but that’s where you’d be wrong. As the writer of the piece pointed out, there are ways to divide your lives successfully provided that you’re willing to protect what you have built in your time together. How do you turn that into actionable advice, though?
1. You start by knowing the good and the bad of your relationship.
Not everything that you accomplished together was a step back even if it seems that way when you’re contemplating divorce papers. Chances are, your two incomes have resulted in more assets. If statistics are to be believed, about 52 percent of you have children. Those are both positives. Be able to delineate the good from the bad, and you’ll know what you should be protecting.
2. You vow to protect the positives that came from your relationship at all costs.
If you have money, assets, and children, those are all deserving of your time and effort to work together even when you no longer see eye to eye. What you’re doing at this stage is finding common ground — an exercise you’ll need as you move forward with the divorce. Vow to refrain from fighting in front of the children. Don’t hide assets. Be fair in the split, and account for the fact that one spouse may have sacrificed more to take care of the kids. In other words, assign value to those contributions even if there wasn’t a paycheck attached to it.
3. You protect your sanity.
The last point that the Knox blog notes you should be mindful of is the need to protect your sanity. How do you do that? It’s simple in theory and a bit more difficult in practice because it requires both of you committing to the same things at a point when you’ve chosen to de-commit from each other. So if you want to stay sane, learn to let go of annoying behaviors that you and/or your spouse are engaging in. Realize that divorce usually isn’t where you find examples of a person’s best and learn to forgive each other and yourselves. Don’t make mountains out of molehills, and learn to compromise when it may be hard. This will keep the fighting to a minimum, the discussions constructive, and your children from feeling the ill effects of their parents’ relationship.
Divorce doesn’t feel like a success when you’re going through it, but the day will come when you begin to see things differently. Good luck!