If you have recently decided to file for divorce — or perhaps your spouse filed against you — then the idea of dating may seem far foreign. The question of when the right time is to get back out there is a good one, and it’s something you should be keeping in the back of your mind as you work through any remaining issues associated with the divorce.
But what does it actually mean to be “ready” for dating life after the divorce papers are final? In short, being ready to date again means the following changes have been made in your life:
1. It means you understand what went wrong with past relationships. Some annoyingly say that divorce is something that “takes two.” This couldn’t be further from the truth. Sure, nobody’s perfect, but not all divorces are equal 50/50 splits when it comes to who takes the responsibility. If it was you, you need to be aware of it. If it wasn’t, then you should at least be able to look at some things you would do differently next time around.
2. It means you’ve learned to appreciate yourself. So many people who have gone through the divorce forms believe they can work their way through the pain just by stepping out into the world and dating again ASAP. Not wise. Before ever learning to appreciate, trust, and care for another human being, you have to be able to do all of those things for yourself. Therefore, work on you every chance you get. Take fitness classes, watch the movies and TV shows you like, stay home on a Saturday night and be unapologetic about doing so. The more you learn about yourself, the better date you will be and the better quality of partner you will find.
3. It means that you will have a more realistic vision of the “perfect” relationship. (Hint: there is no such thing.) One thing divorce does is it shakes you out of that fairy tale idea of the way a relationship is supposed to go. It also helps you to see the faults in other people more clearly. The key is to find balance between people who can make you feel like you’re in a fairy tale while keeping realistic expectations.
Good luck as you consider getting back out there and finding people to date. Just remember: the more you do it, the more your own tastes will mature and the happier you will ultimately be.