Starting over in the post divorce world with kids can be a daunting task. New house, shared custody, support payments, and general upheaval of what was once your life can wreak havoc on our daily routines. The optimist in us will say this is a second chance, a reset and do-over. Unfortunately there may be a different set of rules this time around.
When it comes to the decision of rekindling the dating flame as a single parent coming off a divorce there may be many awkward steps and conversations ahead. Hesitancy is natural when jumping back into the pool from which you have already dove in, nearly drowned, and scrambled out. When can you do to help lessen any stress in your life when it comes to dealing with divorce, kids, and beginning to date again?
Concerning the Children
For single parents, the age of a child plays a large factor in the way you will continue to develop your personal life post divorce. One common thread among children of divorced parents at any age is that kids are protective of their parents. Older children and those entering adolescents when asked if they want their parents to find happiness with another will offer answer yes. It’s one thing to state an obvious that you want your parent to find happiness, but another when they introduce a totally new adult personality that is in theory taking the immediate place of a parent, whether it be mother, father, or both. There are some ways to ease your children, yourself, and the outside person into delicate situations such as interacting together and meeting family members.
Honesty through conversation
Even before any single personal materializes in your post dating quests, have a conversation with your kids. Talk about the situation you are in and ask how they are feeling. Be sure to prepare them for possible scenarios beforehand. Allowing them to know they always have an open door to ask questions or talk about anything lets them know that your interest in their opinion and how they feel is second to none.
If you’re already dating or seeing someone and they have not met your kids yet. Talk to your kids in general terms about you dating. Gauge their feelings. Know how to navigate the situation before hand. Being preemptive about the right way to do things and not doing something and then waiting to find out your children’s reaction only can dissolve some trust and lead kids to believe that they have no say in what might affect them.
Arrange a fun get-together, lay the groundwork
If it’s time to introduce the person you’re dating to your kids, arrange an interactive get together. There will always be awkward moments in the beginning, but getting past the ice breaking moments and allowing them to actually get to know the person can help form a positive initial relationship. Just bringing your partner in, meeting your kids and then either you 2 leaving or your kid leaving doesn’t create and comfort or answer any of the initial questions your child may have. Plan a movie night, dinner, or board game. The age of your child will dictate the nature of how you want to proceed with the initial introduction.
Dating in the post divorce world
Dating after divorce is tough for many reasons, but when adding kids to the mix it can be like walking a tight rope in a hurricane. No matter your well meaning intentions, they can get lost in the moments. Kids are unpredictable, and after a fracturing of their parents they will be highly sensitive to anything new and unknown. This should never hinder you form pursuing your wants and desires. We all are entitled to find happiness regardless of a divorce or how many children you have. There is no blueprint; often there will be a period of resentment in your kids that is just part of their natural psychology. No matter how much you plan and cater to being receptive about their feelings, things can go badly. Preparing yourself and them for all possible scenarios and allowing for open dialogue in a single parent household can be the key to staying connected with your kids while looking for your own happiness in the post divorce world.