Huffington Post contributor Michelle Martin recently highlighted the reasons that she decided to stay single while she was raising her son. This is a struggle that many parents who’ve at some point decided to file for divorce must face. Is it worth bringing in a second parental figure, who’s not really a parent, to help raise your child or is it just too confusing. Martin opted to go it alone, though she admits it wasn’t entirely her idea.
A friend, counseling Martin, heard her repeated wishes for a spouse to “fill the void” in the lives of her and her son and for a “real family,” and gently reminded her:
“You made two mistakes: First, you got into a relationship because you were moving away from something negative, rather than moving toward something positive. And second, you don’t see you and your son as a real family.”
The words cut right to the chase and so Martin threw herself full bore into parenting. It’s a beautiful story, and it certainly worked for her, but does it work for everyone? Should parents who’ve finalized their divorce papers wait to remarry until their kids are grown?
The answer relies on these factors:
1. Are you moving toward something positive?
A man to have a man or a woman to have a woman, will never give you the answers that you seek in life for you or your children, and it can only lead to more disappointment if you end up with the wrong people in your lives.
2. How comfortable is your partner in the role of stepparent?
Stepparents can never replace good biological parents, but they can be beneficial additions to the lives of your children provided they go into it with the right attitude. They should expect respect without usurping or overriding the parental role. If your partner is uncomfortable in that position, then you would probably be better off going solo.
3. How “ready” is your child for the relationship?
A child whose parents have filed divorce forms is naturally uncertain about his parent’s future relationships; and if he or she is not okay with it or emotionally ready for it, it can lead to more problems than the relationship is worth.
Ultimately, the best answer will vary depending on the situation. The key is to be mindful of what your situation is and make the best decision for you and your child.