Managing your divorce process can be an all encompassing ordeal. Battling a spouse, finances, kids, and keeping up with the regularly scheduled program that is the rest of your life can drain you of patience and will power. Many parents going through a divorce, whether it is nasty or not, tend to allow their kids a little more lee-way than usual.
Parenting in a normal nuclear family can offer up enough surprises and push you to the limit, but being a single parent, especially in a messy divorce, can lead to making questionable decisions when it comes to your kids. Parents tend to spoil kids more than usual and allow them to get away with more. Parenting in a divorced family is difficult because there are many opportunities for things to fall through the cracks, which can cause problems for you as a parent, and affect your child as he or she progresses towards adulthood.
How Much is Too Much?
Every parent spoils their kids at some point, it’s hard not to. But in a divorce, its possible to go above and beyond what you normally would to win their favor. Determining what and when is too much can be difficult, especially if there is the pressure of competition between you and your ex-spouse. Going beyond the ordinary once can set a certain expectation. Also, if you splurge on presents for your children in retaliation of your ex-spouse, this can send the wrong idea to your children. It is very common for kids who are a older to become aware of this, exploit it, and play their parents back and forth to maximize gifts, freedoms, etc. It also is common for young children to view presents and money spent as love, instead of the genuine, priceless kind of love.
Budgeting Overall
One way to help curve the amount of spending you do on your kids post-divorce is to keep track of how much you spend on them within your overall budgetary planning. A realistic budget is necessary for maintaining the financial stability that is important for you in these tough times. Keeping your kids spending in line with your overall spending will help guide you when to say no. Understanding that overspending on your kids will not only hurt you, but affect your kids negatively in the long run.
Lessons for Your Children
The things you teach and the examples you set for your children throughout childhood into adulthood will ultimately shape their core values and personality traits. While it is easy to cave when they are younger, teaching them the many reasons why you have to say no sometimes, and the consequences of wanting things constantly can go a long way in establishing responsibility. This teaches them responsibility and discretion, not only about money but how to manage themselves in general as they get older. Being a positive influence and leading by example, even if they don’t appreciate it immediately, will stick with them throughout their lives.
It is easy to run into money problems if we don’t restrain ourselves. Filing for divorce, while being an emotionally stressful time for both you and your children, can cause ripple effects through many areas of your life and relationships, the most obvious being your kids and immediate family. Sticking to your values and understanding your financial situation will help you make the tough decision. Spoiling your kids in a war of one-uping your ex-spouse is not only unhealthy for you, your spouse, and your children, it can wreak your personal finances. Chances are, you have enough on your plate just between your job and becoming a single parent. Setting a good example and sticking to what you know best will help you and your kids prosper financially and emotionally as you move forward in your post-divorce life.