MyDivorcePapers Blog

Relationship advice and people who give advice about relationships are two subjects that conjure up lots of tense moments and charged silences. Well, one Huffington Post blog, entitled “Women: 5 Reasons Your Divorce is Your Fault,” combines both of those uncomfortable topics most people wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole connected to another ten foot pole. The title alone is enough to attract the people intrigued by the topic and enraged by the title. So without further ado, let’s get into the middle of this blogging mess.

Why the Title?
The author of the blog, Laura Doyle, is coincidentally a New York Times best-selling author, intimacy coach, and world renown relationship expert. She seems overly qualified to write such an article, knowledgeable of the topic, and intelligent, so why choose an inflaming title? Well, because she’s intelligent and she knows the more outrageous the title is, the more people will read the article. Yet most people use the outrageous title as a bait and switch, which Doyle certainly did not. The article really is about how women can and should improve the relationship basically all by themselves.

Why Women?
Doyle states that women are “ones who have the power to make . . . relationships intimate.” Granted there are differences between men and women, but some (or most) people would see this ascertain as heavily sexist and rewinding the last few steps feminism has taken towards gender equality. Her books and website talk about women “surrendering” to their relationships and partners, which speaks to two conflicting thoughts:

1. Women have tried transcending to being so self sufficient they have forgotten how to be in relationships (which might be true).
2. There is only one role for women to play in a relationship: The role of pristine, soft, loving, ultra-feminine maiden (which is not true).

What the Blog Says
The blog cites five ways women are ruining their relationships and driving them to filing divorce papers. Doyle has created five ways for a woman to adjust her attitude and approach to dealing with her partner. Doyle says adopting these methods for two weeks are all it takes to having a great marriage. Here they are:

1. Rejecting his efforts to make you happy: Doyle recommends “receiv[ing] what your husband offers when he is trying to please or help you.” Doyle’s examples range from sub-par cleaning to an off-the-mark present, and her advice is to accept the present graciously because happy wives make men feel successful.
2. Taking the same approach at home as you do at work: Avoid trying to be the manager with your husband, Doyle advises. If you want something done, say what it is you want done and let him figure it out.
3. Withholding intimacy: Doyle says just don’t do it. But if you’re just too tired, try to make “yourself available for sex at least once a week in support of your mutual goal of connecting.”
4. Initiating divorce when the problem isn’t insurmountable: Understandably, Doyle says threatening divorce is an intimacy killer, and thus a relationship killer. If you want the marriage to change, follow the tips for 2 weeks.
5. Waiting for him to improve: Basically, see above. If you want your partner and relationship to change, change your approach.

There is much more we could say about the implications of Laura Doyle’s methods and philosophy, but for now we will hand over the spotlight. What are your thoughts about Doyle’s 5 ways women are sabotaging relationships?

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