Divorce is often seen as the devaluation of a marriage, but people who think that way are adopting a rather shallow and unsophisticated world view. For starters, it does a disservice to people who are victims of bad spouses. Can you really control the cheating, the violent outbursts, and the refusal to meet halfway on every disagreement? This is the reality that many divorcees are facing if they choose to stay in negative, hopeless relationships.
If anyone has made you feel that way, take back your power today. As HuffPo contributor Tracy Schorn notes, “If you’re feeling any twinge of divorce shame, consider that you’re divorced exactly because you do value marriage. You do believe in commitment. You do believe in love throughout sickness and health. You do believe in family. And you’re divorced because your partner did not share those values and you refused to live a sham marriage.”
Now grant it, those words are not for everyone. If you are the reason the marriage failed, then you’ve got some work to do before those words apply, and that’s true whether you’re the one who decided to file for divorce or not. Filing the physical papers is no indication of guilt, in other words. What is an indication?
Ask yourself these questions:
If you fouled up on one or more of these things, then try to address these issues before committing to someone else, or be destined to repeat past mistakes.
As for the rest of you, know that going through the divorce forms process doesn’t make you a failure and it’s no reason to feel ashamed. Best of luck as you move forward with your life, and here’s to fresh beginnings!