If you’ve ever had the horrific experience of being victimized by an affair, this bit of news will probably disgust you. The website Victoria Milan — an online dating site for married people seeking extramarital partners — ran a survey of 4,658 members.
Of that number, a surprising 76 percent said they preferred sex with their lovers, but also wanted to continue sleeping with their spouses.
Sixty-nine percent of those surveyed added that they do not wish to file for divorce, and 85 percent did not view their lovers as suitable long-term partners. The reasons that cheaters gave for wanting to stay with their long-term partners: security, love, stability, family and happiness.
“If you have a good relationship with your partner, if there is still love and affection, if he or she is a good parent and they are part of a good family group, cheaters are not necessarily looking for a break up when they look for a lover,” said CEO of Victoria Milan, Sigurd Verdal. “They just want to add a bit of passion and adventure back into their lives.”
Sounds harmless enough, but unfortunately, it’s a very self-centered view of the world, riddled with problems.
For starters, it discounts the feelings of the other party.
While the stats didn’t break down how many spouses were aware and wholly complicit in their cheating partner’s exploits, we’re willing to bet money the number was rather low. The act of using a website unbeknownst to a partner demonstrates that the cheater knows they’re risking divorce papers if they get caught. There is a clear distinction between right and wrong that doesn’t seem to concern the survey participants.
Secondly, it damages any children involved, both directly and indirectly. How?
Firstly, kids aren’t stupid. They may not be aware of the complexities of the issues that exist between Mom and Dad, but they do know when something is wrong, and that creates undeserved stress on their young lives. Furthermore, the stability of Mom and Dad’s relationship is a huge influencer on the stability of their own as they get older. Would you want your son or daughter to find a spouse who flagrantly disrespected them for selfish gain?
In Summary
Extramarital affairs are surprisingly small factors when it comes to couples filing divorce forms. Normally, finances are to blame. In other words, married couples can work past an affair, but not if the cheater is too wrapped up in himself (or herself) to consider anyone else’s feelings.
What do you think of sites like Victoria Milan — and what about those findings? Do cheaters really deserve the right to have it both ways?