If you’ve never had a marriage fail, then you might make the mistake of thinking that people who file for divorce do so because they fight too much. The reality is that fighting itself has never led to the downfall of a marriage in the history of people saying, “I do.” That’s because if done healthily, fighting can help you air out grievances, solve problems, and emerge on more solid ground.
It’s when people choose not to fight that a marriage is in more danger of falling apart. That’s because tensions mount to the point where they become catastrophic when they’re finally brought to the surface. If you want to avoid the divorce papers, then you’ll definitely want to have differences with your spouse and work through them. Here’s how you can do that successfully.
One: Don’t React From Emotion.
It’s okay to be angry with one another, but try never to fight when emotions are driving your behavior. Instead walk away, cool down, and come back to the conversation when you’re ready to rationally explain your position.
Two: Don’t Let Too Much Time Pass.
If you do walk away from the situation to collect your thoughts and cool down, make sure you return to the conflict and address it. Too often people walk away from the fight and then fail to come back to it. Meanwhile the anger and/or tension gets filed away and returns in a more impactful manner later on.
Three: Be Heard, But Listen.
No one wants a tackling dummy. Your spouse may not agree with you when you assert your opinion, but they will respect you as long as you’re willing to listen to what they have to say rather than hear it, ignore, and fire back. It’s a delicate balance, but definitely one that you have to make. If you simply take what your spouse dishes out without expressing yourself, then you’ll both start to regret one another.
Don’t be afraid to fight for what you believe in within the marriage. Your fighting will not cause you to sign divorce forms provided you’re doing it in a healthy way. Good luck!