Certain behaviors we can point to and label as obvious abuse. If someone is hitting you, or calling you ugly names, we can assert that you are being physically or emotionally abused. However, there are other, more subtle forms of abuse that can be just as damaging. One of these common forms of abuse in marriage or relationships is the infamous “silent treatment.”
According to GoodThearpy.org, the silent treatment “is designed to place the abuser in a position of control, silence the target’s attempts at assertion, avoid conflict resolution, or punish the target for a perceived ego slight.” The silent treatment is one of the biggest results of miscommunication problems between couples, and why this miscommunication leads to divorce.
Why the Silent Treatment?
Individuals who have trouble communicating their needs properly and asserting control over their own lives give the silent treatment. They are typically passive- aggressive people who may put on a charm offensive to the world, but take out their anger and rage on those closest to them. In short, they are chameleons who can be completely different people in private. According to TheAdventurousWriter.com, “this type of passive-aggressive communication might be all your partner learned as a child-it may be how you or your partner learned how to control the world.”
The problem with the silent treatment is that it prevents problems from being resolved, it creates unnecessary tension in the house, it makes people walk on eggshells, and children are very affected by this type of behavior. The cycle can repeat itself, and if that’s all the children see from their parents, they may respond the same way themselves in a future relationship once they grow up.
Effects of the Silent Treatment
We already discussed how detrimental the silent treatment could be for children. But what about you? Those who go through the silent treatment experience increased depression, stress, and tend to hide things from their spouses. Not talking to a spouse or not talking to a loved one about what is bothering you will only perpetuate problems. The worst part is, you never know what may set the person off.
This leads to a pattern where one person is always trying to please the other person in order to avoid getting the silent treatment. It is a very common marriage problem. It is also why not practicing effective communication can affect your marriage. Nobody deserves to be treated like this.
Solutions
So do you give the silent treatment? Or does your spouse do it to you? Either way, counseling is a must in order to resolve this. If you have children, it would behoove you to consider putting them in counseling as well. The last thing you want is for your children to hide their emotions from their parents, or copy the negative behavior they see from their parents in their own adult lives.
If you have tried communication tactics and counseling, and nothing is working, then you may need to consider other avenues. The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse that nobody deserves to go through.
Furthermore, remember that the person giving the silent treatment is the one with the problem, not you. No matter how much you try to change something they may deem annoying about you, it will never be good enough for them if they don’t change the way they understand communication with other people. Nobody is perfect. But we all deserve to be shown respect, and we deserve to have our needs communicated without fear of repercussion.
In short, the silent treatment, “is a form of bullying, and it’s often used to get what is wanted in the relationship.” Take our marriage advice. Silence is not the answer to your problems! Learn effective communication tactics so you can have a happy, fulfilled marriage, while setting a good example for your children.