There are so many common marriage problems, some more serious than others. Though we may know it is unrealistic, many of us grow up with the notion that any sort of problem in marriage will be due to small, petty differences, such as not cooking dinner on time, or arguing about where the kids decide to go to school. Nobody thinks that accusations of infidelity, or financial infidelity will be something that happens in their relationship.
Likewise, there are many common marriage myths, which lead to these types of unexpected problems. For example, we imagine that we will be happy al of the time. We fantasize that our sex lives will be just as powerful as they were on the day we first made love to our partner. We picture our spouse just as beautiful at 50 as when they were 20.
So what happens? Reality sets in. People age, they change, they get bored with sex. They have children and make the relationship solely about them and their needs and forget to focus on the marriage itself. Suddenly, both of you are extremely unhappy. But why? What’s causing this sudden depression and dread for your humdrum life?
According to Redbookmag.com, there are several key reasons why there can be unhappiness in marriage after many years together. Here are some of their key points:
- Not appreciating the other partner. Are you a stay at home mom who cooks, cleans, does the laundry, and doesn’t sleep because you have a toddler and a newborn? Do you feel underappreciated by your husband, and resentful that he doesn’t help enough? Does your husband work 12 hours a day and come home exhausted, and gets irritated when he starts getting yelled at to help participate? These are two examples of people who don’t communicate about their needs effectively, and then refuse to appreciate what the other partner is doing for them. This is a big reason how marriage can cause unhappiness, quickly.
- Being a fraud from the beginning. Were you trying desperately to impress the other person when you met, due to insecurity issues, or embarrassment over past decisions in your life? The truth will come out eventually, so it’s best to come clean from the beginning about every mistake you’ve made, unless you truly believe it’s unnecessary and may end up hurting the other person. If your partner loves and respects you for the person you are today, these things won’t matter to them. As one prominent psychologist says, according to marriagebuilders.com, if honest, “the husband and wife can come to understand each other better, and protect each other from their predispositions.”
- You let the romance and sex slide out the window. As well as the meaningful conversations. Do your daily conversations consist of “how are you?” “When’s dinner?” “Have you checked Billy’s homework?” If so, this demonstrates why marriage isn’t always happy. How can it be, if the two of you never have deep, meaningful conversations about life and your hopes and dreams? Furthermore, if you have stopped sleeping with your partner and are completely bored by your sex life, it’s time to spice it up a little bit. Fake it till you make it. Eventually you’ll learn that you miss having sex with your partner desperately, and have been craving that intimacy for sometime. Finally, go out on dates, alone, without the children. Do something spontaneous and meaningful to the both of you. You won’t regret it, and it may just lead to that unexpected romance at the end of the night!
Don’t let marriage make you unhappy. The last thing you want is an unhappy, yet stable and comfortable marriage. It is such an easy trap to fall into, and it’s one of the reasons that marriage brings sadness to so many people. Lower your expectations of the other person, start appreciating them more, and make romantic time for them. Furthermore, be yourself in every single way. Come clean about things bothering you about your past. You would be surprised how many skeletons people have in the closet. And people will enjoy when you open up, because they will feel the ability to communicate openly with you.
Give our suggestions a shot. They can’t hurt after all? Marriage isn’t always happy, but it can be fulfilling and pleasant every day if your life if you work to make it strong and successful each day.
