Anger isn’t the most productive of emotions, but it’s a part of everyone’s life. At some point, we have to face the fact that this negative emotion will rear its head in a relationship and that it must be dealt with if one doesn’t wish to file for divorce. A Reddit member recently asked others how they deal with relationship anger. Here are some of the more constructive responses.
1. “I want to talk it out right away, calmly, until the issue is either resolved or I’m just getting angrier with no clear resolution. If there isn’t a resolution, I prefer to table the issue for a while and stop talking to my partner for a few minutes so I can cool off. I do usually calm down very quickly. I respond really, really badly to avoidant personality types who need to stew forever until they’re ready to talk.”
2. “I need to process my feelings because I used to be a rage person. If someone got in my face in the past to talk when I was angry, even over nothing, I would seriously burn down the building we’re both in. I caution people I need space to cool off and just process why I am angry and they press me and I just fade on them because I hate the whole I’m a crazy person with anger issues route.”
3. “I’ve never gotten mad AT someone. My anger is always directed inward.”
4. “I get very quiet and serious. I speak very clearly and deliberately, but I don’t raise my voice. My ex said it was more frightening than if I just shouted at her.”
5. “I can get quiet, a little passive aggressive, or just cry. I don’t get truly angry very often though. One time I smashed in a cardboard box, but that’s the worst thing I’ve done. Mostly just cry. We don’t really fight though. Disagree, sure, bicker maybe a bit, but mostly teasing and just talking things out. Thank goodness.”
6. “In romantic relationships and friendships I usually tow some weird line between being too hurt and afraid of more hurt to want to open myself up and discuss things, and being too hurt to let it go.
“I tough it out for a resolution but I always try to first take a night to think about everything so that if in the morning I wake up still upset or hurt (amazing how small some stuff seems after a good sleep), I know it needs to be discussed and as a bonus, hopefully by then there is enough distance from the point of impact (like BAM!) and my emotional state and I can actually talk about it in a cogent way. It can take me up to a couple days to pin down why something upset me and how best to articulate that to another person. It’s lame. I try to be calm and productive though.”
If you have recently gone through the divorce papers for an anger issue — either yours or your ex’s — what are some things that made the problem worse? Share your thoughts in our comments section, and if you’re thinking of filing divorce forms, check out the rest of the site.