Divorce mourning is an essential that every ex-married person needs to go through if they ever hope to get better and find the life they envisioned for themselves following the pain of a divorce. There’s a reason people tend to compare divorce to death and why this article from the Houston Chronicle reports that children actually have a harder time with parental divorce than the death of a parent. You are actually saying goodbye to the life that you thought you knew. In one instance, the person you thought you knew has died even though they go on living, and in many ways, you die because the person that will emerge from the divorce will be much different than the one you were before. So how do you handle the grief associated with a dead marriage. Let’s look at a few ways.
Firstly, you say goodbye.
When a loved one dies, we honor them with a funeral or memorial service. It’s a symbol of closure to the memory and legacy of that person. Marriages need closure as well. That means, at some point, you need to come to terms with the memories and mementos of your marriage and you need to say goodbye to them. This could mean selling a wedding ring set, or burning old pictures of yourself with your ex in happier times. There are no right answers for how to do it. Only that it should be done in a way that holds meaning for you.
Secondly, you create new experiences.
If you stop living after the divorce, you will always be stuck at your worst point in time. To keep that from happening, you need to go out and create new experiences. They don’t have to be perfect, but they do need you to give it your all. Make a list of hobbies you enjoy, business ideas you’d like to pursue, bucket list items that you want to cross through. By pushing yourself forward into a new experience, you start to choke out the negatives that are holding you back.
Thirdly, you accept how divorce will change you.
Your goal in mourning and moving on from divorce should never be to “get back to the old you.” That’s impossible because the old you never experienced the divorce. Ending a marriage is a huge, impactful event, and if you could get back to the old you, you would actually be moving backward in your progress. What you want is to move forward and smarter, stronger person. A person who experienced the divorce and emerged from it determined to live a better life. To do that, you need to find acceptance, not a loss of memory.
How did you mourn your marriage after the divorce? Share some of your experiences in the comments section below.