Deciding to file for divorce is the easy part. It gets a lot tougher when you want to take that decision and turn it into reality. In order to do it, you’ll need to know when and how to break the news to your spouse.
In a recent Huffington Post article, contributor Susan Pease Gadoua weighed in on the timing aspect. Here’s what she had to say:
“Ideally, you’ll want to tell your spouse you’re considering divorce as soon as you realize you want to end your marriage. Saying it when you’re calm and have time to talk about it together, such as at the beginning of the weekend, is a good idea. You already know when your spouse is open to hearing bad news; take that into account. When it comes to finding the right words to say, it’s much more powerful to state your feelings about the relationship clearly, honestly and as kindly as possible, than calling your spouse on all the things you think he or she has done wrong in the marriage. Saying, ‘I feel sad that we don’t spend time together anymore and that we’ve grown apart,’ is easier to hear than a blaming, shaming, ‘You never do things with me anymore, and it’s your fault that I feel lonely.'”
To converse Gadoua’s advice — all of it good by the way — we thought we’d share these tips for when and how NOT to break the news that you want to file divorce papers:
The thing about timing is this: many of the cases we mentioned above seem like common sense, yet every day, a spouse picks a highly inappropriate time to voice that they want to file divorce forms. In this situation, try empathizing with your spouse. Not only will the timing be better, but so will the results. Good luck!