MyDivorcePapers Blog

If you’ve decided that you want to file for divorce, you’re going to have to be clear and effective when it comes to communicating that to your spouse. However, it’s important that you choose the right time and that you don’t blindside your spouse, as we’ve discussed in previous entries. Today, we want to encourage you to also formulate a strategy. As Susan Pease Gadoua writes in a recent Huffington Post article:

“If you haven’t yet told your spouse that you are contemplating divorce (or you have but he or she hasn’t heard you or doesn’t understand the seriousness of your thoughts), then it’s important to have a well thought-out strategy on how and when to share your feelings. It’s always kinder to give your spouse notice of your feelings. This gives him or her a chance to respond and perhaps even work toward improving things. Saying something like, ‘I haven’t been happy for a long time. I’d like to tell you what’s going on for me, and see if we can work on some of the things that are troubling,’ is a good place to start — assuming you truly are open to fixing the marriage. If you’re not, don’t give your spouse false hope.”

Now how do you form a proper strategy to pull this off? We have some suggestions:

• First of all, write out what you plan to say. We suggest grabbing a sheet of paper and pen and doing it the old-fashioned way. By writing instead of typing, you’re eliminating technological distractions and giving your brain a little extra time to say things “the right way” before putting it to paper.
• Secondly, try to anticipate your spouse’s response. Will they want to avoid the divorce papers altogether and work on the marriage? Is that what you’ll want? What will you tell them if it isn’t? Think it out.
• Finally, practice what you’re going to say. We know you may look crazy to fellow motorists, but the car is a great time to do this. When you’re driving to and from work, have a conversation with your spouse like he or she is right there listening silently. Getting a test run in before the real thing will ensure that you have more control over the situation.

If divorce forms are inevitable, then your plan should be a good one. The only way to get it there is to spend time thinking about it and to actually practice it before moving forward. Good luck!

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