When you or your spouse decide to file for divorce, there could be a time of transition where you continue living under the same roof as you make plans for post-divorce life. As with many life transitions, this can be incredibly awkward. You are both trying to come to terms with the loss of a relationship. If statistics are to be believed, then one of you will be optimistic and enthusiastic while the other will be downtrodden. That makes for a tempestuous living arrangement, especially when there are children involved. If you’re wondering how to survive until the divorce papers are final in such a situation, take the following advice to heart.
1. Separate mentally.
The problem for most couples is that one or both refuse to make the separation mentally. They decide they’re no longer married, but as long as they share a roof, that’s as far as the separation goes. Internally, they start to become more critical of one another. If the marriage is over and the divorce forms are inevitable, then we urge you to separate mentally. Realize that you no longer have a say in your husband or wife’s behaviors, and they no longer have a say in yours.
2. Adopt a roommate relationship.
When I was in college, I got placed with some pretty incompatible roommates. Once we realized this, we decided that it might be best if we just tended to our own things and never spoke to one another. It made for a few awkward moments, but it ultimately got us through until we could a) end the semester or b) get approved for a new roommate, preferably one of our choosing.
3. Don’t discuss issues where you live.
If you allow debate and disagreement under your roof, you’re inviting trouble. Make a point of never taking up issues while you’re still sharing the space. The reason: when you go to a coffee shop, you’re forced to keep your emotions in check and your voices down. You also cannot discuss differences for hours on end and continue to make the same points over and over. You’re on a timetable in an environment that expects civility. If both of you agree to only take up such issues in said environment, then you’ll be more productive in your dealings with one another, and you’ll start to see home as a sanctuary rather than an arena.
4. Stop discussing feelings.
If the decision has been made and the marriage is over, there’s no point in it any more. Find a friend or confidante instead of taking it up with one another. Keep communications businesslike in other words.