Getting a divorce is a seismic event in the lives of most people who experience it. It’s very rare that you will find someone admit that they had a nice, carefree divorce, and that they never hurt throughout the process. While it’s true that many can recover more quickly, there is always a tinge of shame, especially when we have to start telling people, “I’m divorced.”
And as long as you say it, it’s like you’re constantly picking at the scab.
At what point do you say, “Enough is enough; I’m no longer divorced. I am a single person living my life”?
Know When to Say When
Many people continue to feel shame about their divorce because the legitimately did people wrong, and they’re still carrying around the guilt. A large number, however, feel shame for no good reason at all. They might feel their religion forbids it, so they are unredeemable. They might feel like the black sheep because no one else in the family is divorced. The good news is that this is something you can control. You just have to know when to say when. In other words, you have to stand up and say, “My divorce no longer defines me.” But how do you know when the time is right?
When You Feel Like Living Again…
How much of the shame and self-abuse is enough? How long before you decide it’s time to live again? To answer this, we have to define what “living” is. For many, it’s setting and accomplishing goals. It’s enjoying the life you have and the people you love (and who love you in return). What is keeping you from any of that? Do your loved ones love you less? Are you incapable of finding something you want to do and then working to accomplish it? Can you not enjoy peace and quiet and solitude? Can you not date again, laugh again, love again? Your divorce doesn’t keep you from any of those things, but your focus does.
Improve your focus, and the shame of divorce will be no more.
When was the moment you realized there was nothing to be ashamed of, or are you there yet? Share your thoughts in the comments section.