Most marriage counselors agree. Divorce is pretty easy to spot. In fact, most can tell while you’re sitting in their office whether there is hope for survival or the marriage is about to crash and burn. This reality was highlighted in a recent article on Huffington Post.
Therapist Becky Whetstone shared details on what she sees when a marriage is headed for disaster.
“Unfortunately, some people I see ignore the red warning flags waving in their face during the courting phase and plow straight into a marriage that seems doomed from the start — it’s really painful to watch,” said the Arkansas-based pro.
Some of the warning signs that Whetstone and others brought to the forefront:
But the one that really stood out to me: Trust is nonexistent.
“If one of the partners I see has a confirmed history of being untrustworthy, things are not going to get any better after the vows are exchanged,” Whetstone said. “If one person doesn’t trust the other when there is no evidence the person should not be trusted, then the partner will likely bring a grasping, needy and controlling energy to the union that will be its ultimate undoing.”
It’s interesting how Whetstone breaks this down because the lack of trust is so often due to one party actually having reason not to trust the other — previous lies, cheating, etc. But the other side of the coin is seldom spoken of — when a spouse is unable to trust for no reason. (Or, at least, no reason relevant to the person they are with.)
This is one of the big reasons why we encourage you here at MyDivorcePapers to take your time before moving past a broken relationship. You may be carrying baggage that you place on to a new partner without them deserving an ounce of it.
Bottom line: if you can’t trust and you won’t work on whatever trust issues are present, then you owe it to the other person and yourself to avoid marriage or get out of the relationship. You’ll both be happier in the long run.