It’s been said that after you file for divorce — or have the papers filed on you — one of the first things that you should learn how to do in order to recover is take personal responsibility for your part in the marriage ending. While this is tough advice when you don’t feel at fault for the divorce, it’s still helpful. Why is taking personal responsibility so important?
A few reasons.
1. It makes you proactive. There is very little that you can do (read: nothing) to change your spouse once the divorce forms are final. Ignoring your personal responsibility in the marriage means you tend to fixate on the things you can’t control. By pinpointing your own behaviors, you’re taking the first steps in a plan towards personal improvement.
2. It causes you to look at future relationships differently. First marriages tend to burn white-hot for a short amount of time. Those are the relationships in which you tend to use more of your heart than your head. When it doesn’t work out and you take personal responsibility for your share of it, it becomes easier to foresee the pitfalls in both personal behaviors and potential mates. In other words, you start supplementing your feelings with your intellect.
3. It enables you to improve other areas of your life. When you start taking personal responsibility, you not only improve your future relationship choices, you improve other areas of your life as well. By looking at and understanding your strengths and weaknesses, you can become a better lover, a better friend, and a more successful professional.
4. It makes you feel happier. When you divorce, you feel that there is little within your control. The key to regaining that control is understanding yourself, and that’s what taking personal responsibility helps you to accomplish.
How difficult was it for you to realize the faults that you had in your marriage? Do you think this deepened understanding made you a better person?