Saying “I do” to someone does not necessarily mean you’ll never file for divorce. In fact, depending on which stats you listen to, the divorce rate in the U.S. is anywhere between 30 and 50 percent. Whether low or high, that’s a lot of broken homes. But even though it may seem like the worst thing ever, and even though you may have to learn some hard lessons in the process, it can, and often does, make one a better person. Here are three lessons that help you get there.
1. Memories are brittle, and maybe they should be.
The fondest memories that you ever made with your ex before the divorce papers can go from fond to bitter in the blink of an eye. Especially when betrayal is involved, it’s not uncommon to feel like memories are brittle and useless things. This flies in the face of the whole, “Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all” crowd. Sometimes turning your back on those memories is the best thing that you can do to focus on the present and future. From personal experience I can tell you there were few things more healing than sitting down at the computer and deleting images of all my old wedding photos after the divorce. That’s what taught me that I could get through the hellish nightmare of divorce. From there, it got easier and easier to not look back.
2. Absence makes the heart grow stronger.
Some might call it callous, but if so, they’re looking at this lesson with the wrong perspective. The absence of your spouse after you’ve gotten used to them can, at first, feel crushing. But with time alone, you’ll learn more about yourself, and you’ll emerge a stronger person.
3. It’s okay to not be friends.
Gwyneth Paltrow’s famous “uncoupling” of 2014 got many bloggers and online commenters angry because it painted divorce as such an easy thing. Their evolved relationship continues, and who knows, maybe it works for them? For the rest of us, continuing to see your ex can be one of the worst things known to civilization. Don’t think you’re being “immature” if you refuse their friendship. Divorce is hard, and only you and your ex know the stipulations of your divorce. No one can talk down to you about it. If it helps you be a better person, then by all means, burn the bridge.
What are some hard lessons that you learned from your divorce papers? Sound off in the comments section.