Ultimatums in a relationship are only as effective as the meaning behind them. When many people file for divorce, they do so after repeated attempts at affecting change with no results to show for it. In a recent article on Huffington Post entitled, “This Is What It Looks Like When It’s Time to Leave Your Relationship,” contributor Samantha Daniels shares 10 factors showing that it’s time to call it quits. At the top of that list at No. 1:
“You have given the ultimatum many times and nothing has changed. If it feels like the same old thing all the time — you yell, you cry, you threaten that you are going to leave and yet you [are] still standing there, in a state of limbo and not getting what you want, then you know the answer. It’s time to move on for real, this time.”
Samantha is right, of course, but that doesn’t make it any less tricky in determining when the time is right. Here are some additional factors to watch out for:
1. Your spouse doesn’t seem present or engaged.
Engagement in an argument or discussion is essential in determining whether you can take your spouse seriously. If you feel like you’re talking to a brick wall, then it’s probably time to file those divorce papers, as hard as it may be.
2. Your spouse isn’t proactive.
Even if your spouse seems like he or she is showing signs that they are wanting to change and work on the relationship, the proof is in the pudding. Are they acting in ways that show you you’re getting through or are they apologetic and committed only when you are at your wit’s end in the middle of another argument?
3. You’ve both stopped dating.
Routines are healthy to a degree, but you can get so bogged down by them that you forget what it’s like to be a couple. You become roommates instead of lovers and best friends. If you’re still there after giving multiple ultimatums, then you are probably right to assume that nothing will change.
If your marriage is at that breaking point and you’re tired of having the same talks with no changes, then divorce forms may be the best option.
I am going through a divorce right now and I think ultimatums are the worst thing you can bring into a struggling marriage. Not a soul wants to be told what to do and when to do it. My husband knocked himself out to rebel against change. It ended anyways but the hate and viscious behaviour will have an ever lasting affect. It goes very deep to men especially and as the man of the house, it isn’t well rec’d. And if u have to tell someone who to be, time to find some who knows who THEY are.