When you file for divorce, there is a bit of an edge in the post-divorce recovery because you are in control of the situation. On the other hand, if you get the bomb dropped on you from out of nowhere, you’re left to figure things out and adjust to a new set of circumstances over which you feel little control. The latter case was where I found myself at the age of 27. Looking back on it now, I can see the big picture more clearly, but it wasn’t easy getting to it. Here are some thoughts that were going through my head when I divorced at such a young age.
1. Being divorced at 27 is like entering a tailspin.
By the age of 27, I had my college degree, my wife, and a theoretical life plan that we’d discussed for a few years leading up to the affair that would rock my world and completely change my life. Faced with a new reality after the divorce papers were final, I felt like I had been knocked back to my pre-college self in terms of progress, yet there was a pervading feeling that I had to catch up. This led to a lot of uncertainty and confusion about what should be next for my life.
2. Being divorced at 27 made me feel like I had to enter a relationship more quickly.
Again, I was set up on a life plan, and that involved a wife. If I was going to get back on that plan, I would need to start dating again as soon as possible. This was a mistake in one sense. It meant getting serious with the wrong people. But luckily, even though my mind was in a fog, part of it was starting to come out of that fog. I knew that I couldn’t afford any other life setbacks like the one my ex had dealt me, so I wised up to ill-fated relationships more quickly and got out of dodge. Eventually I stopped entering into serious relationships unless there was something real there.
3. Being divorced at 27 helped me focus on my career.
Before my divorce forms were finalized, I didn’t have a target for my career. I worked jobs that paid the bills instead of ones that helped me to an enriching life. As I came out of that post-divorce fog, I realized it was now or never and if I wanted an enriching life professionally, I would have to plan for one and make it happen.
If you’ve experienced divorce (or are about to), how old are you, and what are some of the feelings that you have right now that you feel are unique to your age?