When a person decides to file for divorce, it usually comes as a surprise to one party. In fact, one study shows that 80 percent of spouses would rather stay and work through the marriage. They don’t want the divorce, plain and simple, and that can often mean stalling tactics or outright hostility. They don’t think rationally, and that leads to big vulnerabilities as you work through the divorce papers.
The key in getting the settlement that you want is to not be that person. You instead need to focus on rational behaviors, businesslike actions, and intense record-keeping. The emotional party won’t be doing any of these things. You need to keep emotions out of it no matter what. Here are some ways you can do it.
Firstly, Think Of It As An Exercise In Organization.
Many people work better and think clearer when they’re in a clean and organized workspace. Similarly, you will do better in your divorce if you use it as an opportunity to get organized. That begins and ends with record-keeping. So from the date that the cat is out of the bag, keep records of everything. Record conversations, or if you can’t do that, write down the details of interactions with your spouse with no embellishment immediately after the event. That way it’s fresh on your brain.
Secondly, Be Honest About What You’re Doing.
The thought that you’re getting organized sends several messages to your spouse: 1) You are taking the divorce seriously, and so should they. 2) You are removing emotions from the equation so any such appeal will not work on you; therefore, it’s best to start working through the divorce forms with you instead of actively operating against. 3) You are prepared, and they need to watch what they say and do. For all these reasons, you should be forthright about what you’re doing rather than trying to blindside them, courtroom-drama style.
Thirdly, Embrace Technology.
The smartphone in your purse or pocket gives you all the tools you need to record important conversations, keep financial records, and develop a parenting plan with your spouse. Make peace with technology if you haven’t, and you’ll find the organizational record-keeping process to be a breeze.
What tips have helped you to keep better records throughout the divorce process?