Whether you or your spouse have decided to file for divorce, you’re both likely to take some pretty hard lessons out of the relationship that you can hopefully incorporate into future attempts. Recently a Redditor asked the fellow community what some of those hard lessons they’d learned were. Here are some of our favorite responses.
I regret not creating enough space for myself; I now realize I would have been a better mother and wife if I had been a bit ‘selfish’ and spent time on me.
This is probably the biggest mistake that most husbands and wives make after a few years of marriage have passed. It’s easy to lose sight of who you are when you’re subscribing to the theory that “marriage is work.” Unfortunately, it’s work that many spouses treat as a job rather than a career. You can’t forget who you were before you said, “I do.” You’re still that person. If you lose sight of that, how can you expect your spouse not to?
I regret putting my kid before my wife. She hung in there for way too long before I finally woke up.
It’s not clear from this statement whether “my son” means the Redditor is referring to his son from another marriage or his son that he had with his wife. It doesn’t really matter. Even though your kids are a part of you, they should not take precedent over your relationship. If you’re looking at it as a relationship vs. kids deal, you’re setting yourself up for the divorce papers. These two things should be able to work together. Why? Because your child needs a stable foundation to be at their best. They need to know that Mom and Dad — or Mom and Stepdad/Dad and Stepmom — are going to be a rock of gibraltar for them as they grow up. Putting one ahead of the other only creates unhealthy tension. This statement encapsulates that perfectly.
I shouldn’t have let outside family members’ opinions dictate how issues were handled in our home.
If your family plays an integral role to all of your fights or decision-making, then you’re well on your way to divorce forms. Family decisions and, yes, family arguments are private matters that should only be handled between the two of you. If your family (or theirs) are more than periphery players, then you’re doing something wrong and need to improve communication and work on your relationship.
What are some hard lessons that you learned from divorce? Sound off in our comments section.
I’m not yet ready to devoice ,but I learned love is not real you eather care enough to make it work or you do not …. my husband has never cared enough. to get through any problem we have had..