Rebecca Adams of Huffington Post recently took a unique look at the dynamic between ex and current spouse or significant other. According to Adams, you should definitely talk about your ex to your partner.
“Experts say the individual growth that leads to healthy, stable relationships begins with heartbreaks, and one of the best ways to turn past disappointments into future relationship successes is to share these experiences with your new partner,” Adams said.
How Do You Talk About The Past?
Of course, doing what Adams advises isn’t the easiest thing in the world. After I decided to file for divorce, my ex was the last person I wanted to talk about, especially with anyone else I dated moving forward. Still, if you want any kind of a successful serious relationship following heartbreak, Adams advises you to get comfortable with it as a topic of conversation.
However, there is a specific way to do it.
Be candid, be focused.
According to the American Psychological Association, if you’ve gone through a breakup or completed your divorce papers with a spouse, it’s time to focus on the positive aspects and outcomes, rather than banning talk of exes completely.
Dr. Karen Finn, a divorce coach with The Functional Divorce, said in comments to HuffPo that the “ability to speak freely with your partner is important.”
“Unless you’re able to share what you’ve learned, it’s like hiding a part of yourself,” Finn said. “Does that mean that you need to share every last sexual encounter you’ve had and the intimate details of it? No. There are appropriate levels of sharing.”
The nitty gritty details of your past need not be brought in to the equation. Adams adds: “Simply explain what happened with the ex, what you learned and where you are now. Of course, every couple is different, and you’ll have to gauge your partner’s curiosity and comfort level — you don’t want to inadvertently make him or her feel as if you’re either not over your ex or using your ex as a benchmark by which to measure your new partner.”
Introspection
How long has it been since you completed divorce forms or broke up with a partner? Does it still weigh on your conscience? Do you think talking about it with a new partner would help under the right circumstances? If so, how would you go about it?