The inability to deal with negativity is probably the number one factor driving most divorces to an attorney’s office. Rather than staying positive, one or both spouses completely shut down once the decision to file for divorce has been reached. However, it is possible to fight negative thinking so that your case has a strong chance at an amicable outcome.
Here are some steps you can take to avoid negativity and keep the channels of communication and cooperation open.
Stay calm.
Stop thinking that you’re going to lose custody and never see your child again; that your spouse is going to pull some non-existent coup that gets the judge to give you all the debt and none of the assets; that you’re going to ruin your child forever simply because you’ve filed divorce papers. There’s an old Tom Petty song that says, “Most things I worry about never happen anyway.” More than 90 percent of the time, that’s pretty much true. Stop thinking in such extremes, and keep your head about you.
Refrain from over-generalization.
If you don’t get something that you want in the final settlement, focus on what you did get and grow from there. Once the judgment is final, there isn’t always going to be a lot that you can do about it. No more “Nothing goes right.” Instead, think, “Well at least I’ve got this going for me.” In other words, accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative!
Stop being a clairvoyant.
Clairvoyants know what other people are thinking. They can tell what’s going to happen before it happens. We’re not saying they don’t exist. We’re just saying you’re probably not one of them, so stop trying to get in other people’s heads and determine what they are thinking. Focus less on how you’re being perceived by your spouse, your former in-laws, and even your children. Rather, be the best version of you that you can be, and the rest will sort itself out.
Let The Sun Shine In.
You may have a first response when the divorce forms are still pending that nothing will work out in your favor; that you’ll be revealed as the worst parent-and-spouse in the world; and that you’ll possibly be jailed for being so awful. This represents cloudy thinking that could use a little sunlight. Similar to how you should stay calm, you should also force positive outcomes to go along with whatever negatives you’re imagining.
In Summary
Judges pride themselves on finding a fair and equitable solution to the cases that come before them. While you may not be left with the exact judgment that you want, you will not experience the awful reality you may be envisioning. Just remember: you can’t control everything that happens, but you can control your attitude!