When you make the decision to file for divorce (or your spouse files on you), the emotions involved can be overwhelming. Unfortunately, it’s often during these times that you learn the most valuable lessons about marriage that would have come in handy if you would have been aware of them before saying, “I do.” That’s okay, though. Life goes on, and you can always use realizations like these down the road.
Become more self-reliant.
When a spouse is no longer there to care for you when you’re sick or take the kids for ice cream when you’re at your wit’s end, it can be an incredibly sobering experience. Handling “firsts” alone for the first time is enough to make you feel longing for your partner even if the relationship didn’t end under the best of circumstances. That’s the bad news. The good: like ripping off a Band-Aid, it gets easier after the first time. However, moving forward you have the opportunity to handle things more on your own and not become so wrapped up in another human being that you cease to function as an individual.
Be choosier with whom you share (and document) your memories.
One of the first reactions you’re likely to have when seeing your wedding album for the first time post divorce papers is this: I wish I didn’t have these pictures; should I destroy them? The answer to this depends on the individual. For me, it helped to get rid of everything. It also made me think twice about the pictures I took with other people in subsequent relationships and led me to being a choosier person. While those memories can sting at first, they can also help you emerge a stronger person than before. Learning to be more choosy early on would have saved you the trouble of a failed relationship.
Your friends may not be your friends; know the difference.
It is so important to have a life that you can call your own whether you’re married or not. And part of that means knowing the difference between your friends and your spouse’s. If all you ever do is hang out with his friends then there’s a good chance you’ll lose them after the divorce forms have been finalized, thus amplifying the feeling of loneliness. It’s far better to draw the distinction and always make time for a social life separate and apart from your spouse with your own set of friends who can act as a support unit after the marriage is over.
These are just a few of the lessons that you’ll learn when going through a divorce. What were some of the things divorce taught you that would have been better learned before getting married?