If you’re thinking about divorce, if you’ve been blindsided by a divorce, or if you just finalized a divorce, you may be thinking one thing: “What just happened?”
Then the onslaught of rehashing conversations, arguments, and periods of the relationship begins, with the sole purpose of finding the moment or event that brought about the divorce papers, tears, and probably some alcohol consumption. In the end, the rehashed memories come back negative for a distinct cause for the divorce. If this doesn’t sound familiar, then your relationship probably did not suffer from relationship inertia; but for the majority of us, all the signs of relationship inertia are very familiar.
Relationship What?
A relationship that simply keeps going without encouragement, love, or really a will to continue or stop describes relationship inertia. The relationship and the people in the relationship are constant and steady, so the relationship continues without reaching a breaking point. You may think not reaching a breaking point is good, because the relationship is stable, and therefore the relationship is good. But breaking points are good because they check the climate of the relationship.
Sometimes the breaking points create distance in the relationship, and sometimes they actually break the relationship. If the couple has been distanced, they should be evaluating whether or not they would like to continue in the relationship. If the breaking point causes a break, then thank your lucky stars you are not caught in relationship, or even life, inertia.
Reasons Why Divorce is Good
No, you didn’t read that wrong, this section is going to explain why divorce is good, or at least okay. When thinking of divorce (and other major life changes and obstacles, for that matter), consider the Hindu god, Shiva, the god of destruction and recreation. Every ‘cycle’ or end of an era, Shiva performs a dance of destruction to destroy the universe, but he does this so the universe can recreate itself again. Demolishing things isn’t what we are encouraging, but the idea of not being afraid to make way for new things, and rejecting a status quo/relationship inertia way of life is what we are aiming for.
Delusion Buster: Everyone wants to end up happy, and that’s a great goal; just don’t go into relationships expecting to marry royalty in a castle and never have another care in the world. Divorce teaches us to proceed with caution, but not to shy away from what we want.
Reflection Inspection: Although you may call it a “rude awakening,” divorce presents an opportunity to take a good hard look at yourself and your world. Reflect on your choices, why you made them, what you don’t and do like, and then make necessary adjustments.
Not Really Better Together: In the cases of relationship inertia, a divorce can snap you out of autopilot and remind you to live how you really want to. Many people flourish after a divorce because they are jolted back into the living, breathing world.