When people think about divorce they always forget the part about telling people. Just like with good news, bad news must have out, and it usually isn’t too much fun. You’ll find it hard to just tell people in passing that you got a divorce because the news will start that little feeling of sympathy and compassion in others; and there’s nothing people with bad news hate more than sympathy. Yet, there are a few ways to tell your friends in the process, and hopefully not get too many sympathy shoulder pats.
The Family That Divorces Together…
If there is no bad blood between you and your ex, then maybe a good option would be to sit down with your family and friends to tell them. This has two bonuses for you. The first bonus is that telling a large group of people at one time spares you the memorized speech. The second bonus is that informing your family and friends about the divorce with you ex demonstrates how amicable the divorce really is; not to mention, it shows your family and friends that the other will not become a topic that is off-limits in the future.
But now for the bad news for your family and friends: Gathering a large group of people sends the message that good news, or a party, is in the plans. Also, telling a large group of people in an abrupt way and all at once is bound to create an odd type of tension. So when you’re making the arraignments, make you invite people with no ambiguity that there will be a serious discussion.
One By One, Day By Day
If you and your ex don’t have many warm, fuzzy feelings between you two, then telling your respective family and friends separately would be best. But now you have the task of flying solo with this difficult information, which can make you feel more alone. Just brush those feelings off, and pretend like you’re pulling a off a band-aid. Don’t just blurt out the information, even kids ripping off band-aids prepare with a deep breath before hand. You can start with a little preface, with something like “You may have known that we were having marital problems,” but then get right to the point. If you start out slow and ramble on you will only increase your audience’s stress levels, heart rates, and anticipation of horrible news. You never want your family or friends to be on the verge of a panic attack when you tell them about your divorce.
You may dread telling others about your divorce for various reasons; you may hate the attention, or the sympathetic looks, or the realization that you are getting divorced. But not matter how much you may want to skip this step, it must be done. Don’t forget about how you accept bad news from others. A friend’s grandmother died, and you in turn give a little arm pat, maybe a hug, and spoke in a dejected, hushed tone with them. You’re friend may have dreaded the onslaught of sympathy smiles, but they took it like a champ, and now it’s your turn. So take this final step in divorce with pride and maturity.