Everyone wants to be happy in their relationships, but if you are at the stage where you need to improve your relationship or risk deceleration, then it’s time to get serious about the task at hand. To help you do this, we’ve put together four mindsets/tips that can make all the difference in the world. As you read through each of these, continually ask yourself the question, “How can I implement this in my specific situation?” Let’s roll.
1. Find something you appreciate about your spouse every day.
In most relationships, you each bring specific strengths and weaknesses to the table. As an exercise, try to ward off the negative thoughts that you may be carrying around and think about the things you appreciate about your spouse. What do they do and/or say each day that would make your life more difficult if it wasn’t there? Try to come up with at least one thing and then repeat the practice every single day. As you do so, two possibilities will (possibly) take over: 1) You will develop a new respect for your partner and start thinking more in a team mindset rather than one of negativity; or 2) You will not be able to come up with anything, and thus will have some validation regarding how you feel about the relationship. If this is what happens, and nothing is being done on either side of the coin to “fix” it, then you should think seriously about whether the relationship is right for you and start planning an alternative life path.
2. Log your ‘relationship’ wins.
I use an app called WinStreak on iOS for business purposes. I like ending the day with some feeling that something positive happened to push my business forward. You could just as easily apply this to your relationship. While the creator of the app — Dan Sullivan — recommends logging three “wins” each day, no matter how small, I would say that if you’re in a quandary with your relationship, just start with one and see what happens from there. It could be that the longer you do it, the more “wins” you can think of, and as those start to pile up, you may just find the relationship is worth salvaging.
3. Make ‘quality’ time for each other, not necessarily ‘quantity’ time.
Previous studies have shown that it’s not the quantity of time you spend with your children that makes a positive difference in their lives, but the quality time. In other words, when you’re with them, you need to make an impact. Relationships are no different. You’re not going to get where you want to be by making sure you’re spending a LOT of time with each other, but if you make sure the time you do get to spend is meaningful and edifying to the relationship, then it will yield great dividends. (This should be good news for those of you in two-income households where you’re both always on the go.)
4. Improve your relationship by making it a priority.
Just like you should strive to find something about your spouse that is positive every day, you should also make a mental effort of prioritizing the relationship. That means studying how you interact as a couple, seeing what you do well and where you can improve, and making the drive to find quality time for your relationship happen (see item 3). Again, if there is something there worth saving, then putting in the effort will yield great results. If there isn’t, then at least you know what your next steps should be.
What are some things that you have done to improve your relationship each day? Share your thoughts in the comments section.